German Wines are known for having the most unreadable labels. Even the most geeky of  connoisseurs seem to skip over the subject of German wine because it’s too confusing. Who has time to remember Graacher Himmelreich Trockenbeerenauslese? Didn’t think so. German wine makers Emil Bauer & Shöne decided it was time to change that.

Bauer Wein is made by two brothers producing wines like Pinot and Riesling, names which many are familiar with. Their aim is to show German wine in a different light and is far from the normal gothic style labels their country adopts. They design more provocative labels in English that have managed them to get them featured in the German Grand Prix. To quench my curiosity of these German rebels, I recieve a box full of their collection so I can taste whether the content is good as the cover.

Instantly, after one sip I can tell that the wine is very sweet. German wines are usually sweet so I’m not entirely surprised but intregued. If you don’t like sweet wine good enough to pour on your pancakes then German wine isn’t for you. Each wine is much more syrupy than any other version of Spanish, French and Italian wine I’ve had, and that’s a lot of wine.

The ‘Bullshit’ Grauburgunder at 12% ABV is a bit watery. It has peach and vanilla undertones that make it fresh and desserty whereas the ‘Sex, Drugs, Rock N Roll’ Riesling is a little dryer with a fuller body. They both smell incredibly delicious though, giving off a flirty incense. I could help but drink both bottles at once.

The ‘Asshole’ Sauvignon Blanc was a winner for me. It has a striking green apple flavour that’s tart and citrusy with a crisp clean body. I’d love to drink this one again. And again.

They also make a red and aptly named it My Merlot Is Not The Answer at 14% ABV. It’s a warm sweet red that tastes ripe and robust. I can’t say its the best Merlot I’ve ever had but we had a good time. There’s also a Pinot Noir Rose for the pink wine lovers out there. It has a slight fizz and just the perfect touch of smoothness to compliment a sunny afternoon booze sesh.

I couldn’t drink them all at once because the sweetness was too overwhelming. Two bottles a night was enough. They were extremely fruity and smooth and I would drink them all after a good Friday’s fish & chip afternoon. The taste is as strong as their label but I would reserve Bauer Wein for people with a really sweet tooth. Perhaps one to give your muffin topped girlfriend.

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