Bournemouth Branch, 9 Gervis Pl, BH1 2AN

The beautiful thing about a burger is that it is simple, plump and dirty, much like the majority of Jeremy Kyle’s fan base. Anything too complicated could throw a burger fan on to their mayonnaise stained knees and curse the chef for ruining burger bliss for putting a banana in a burger (yeah, it happened).

New restaurant 7 Bone has opened in Bournemouth stimulating the area with busty burgers and smooth bourbon milkshakes. They boast of their American comfort food that’s both dirty and sexy. With that kind of ad campaign, The Carouser had to go check it out.

On arrival, everything feels inviting. I’m welcomed with a warm greeting from the staff who are ultra friendly and helpful. I wonder if this is due to them being freshly recruited and not worked long enough to not hate their jobs yet. An open-plan kitchen is parked right in the middle of the industrially styled restaurant that keeps me profusely hungry, daring me to order more than my stomach can handle.

The obligatory hot dogs and burgers line the menu with quirky names such as “Prince Charles is Overrated” and “Shuffle To Straight Time”. As the waitress places the order in front of me, I note that there is nothing strikingly different in presentation to any other burger. But they prove so enticing, that it provokes a former burger virgin (weirdo) to try the Scrappy Coco burger. He explores the unknown territory of the veggie patty and finishes the lot. He announces that life after 7 Bone will be full of more burgers for him. A great review.

I bite into a Dreadlock Rasta burger that is layered with buffalo chicken and a dirty spread. The meat is juicy and perky with the same texture that I imagine Kim Kardashian’s bum cheek to feel like. It is glazed with a mildly hot sauce that binds the food together in a bundle of Jamaican flavour. I regret opting for the dirty fries due that tastes similar to the result of a pig-breathed man spitting chewing gum on your fries.

On the drinks menu is a shooter named Pickleback: a shot of bourbon with a chaser of pickle juice. Surprisingly, this doesn’t make me want to scratch at my face the way Nickelback’s music does. But rather than the hard stuff, I’m happy to find a long list of craft beers from all around the world. I grab a Kona Big Wave from Hawaii, taking inspiration from being in a seaside town even though it is pissing down with rain. Although the beer was hoppy and light, the taste was clouded by the aftermath of pickle juice.

For dessert, handling no more than a simple drink, I grab the bourbon shake to which the waitress claims she has put in an extra shot because she could tell that I enjoy bourbon. The bourbon flatters the flavour of the chocolate whilst having a smooth consistency that’s easier to pour down after a heavy burger.

7 Bone works as a burger joint serving novelty tongue-in-cheek dishes. It functions well when enduring a hefty hangover. The bourbon milkshake is a perfect way to fix the headache and a prime choice for a hair of the dog. I wouldn’t say it’s the best beer and burger but it’s not half bad.

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