Diary: October 2016

October 9, 2016

As the rain streams down my window, so does my tears on my rose tinted cheeks. It’s been one year since I lost my mother. A beautiful, smart and loving woman. The person who I relied on for advice, guidance and most of all, comfort. This year has been a tough one. Finding my own way without her helping hand. Navigating life completely alone, and trusting my own judgement in situations. I like to think that when I ask myself what to do, she’s there still, inside of me, giving the answer. 
My friend Jade, in attempt to make this October a better one, bought me a gift in the form of a ticket to Barcelona – a place that I love almost as much as I love London. I haven’t planned anything. I’m just gonna go and see where the city takes me. 
As I look out the tiny window in my flat, it seems that Autumn has been thrust upon us in the form of frightfully cold weather, red leaves and thick woollen coats. The thing that inspires me the most to keep going is the seasons. The way they change so rapidly. London becomes a whole new city. It reminds me that the only thing certain is change. 
With October, brings pumpkins and squash. I can think of nothing better than a roasted pumpkin soup paired with a slice of toasted sourdough.
As for the sadness that this month will bring me, instead of dwelling on the loss, I will celebrate her memory by having her ashes tattooed into my as a permanent reminder of her love and loyalty. Not that I can forget so easily…